An Sionnach

Yes, you have it right, it’s been 42 years and I am still single, never been married, and have no children.  It’s not to say that I haven’t had my opportunities.  I have met some wonderful and amazing women over the years.  But, time, circumstances, dynamics, and choices have all prevented the norm from happening.  And while most men who have remained single have spent that time furthering their careers, I on the other hand have spent much of my days experiencing life.  I can’t say that it doesn’t come with a cost, as it most certainly does.

The fact of the matter is, that while there are many beautiful women out there, there are a select few that you connect with, they make you feel complete in one way or another.  But the truth is this doesn’t always go both ways, for many reasons: age, interests, you work together, education, psychology, body type, this list goes on and on.  It seems these are the ones I seem to find myself drawn to.  I sometimes wish that God, whoever or whatever that omnipotent power is, would give us some way to identify and cause ones paths to cross.  And although I am quite content at being single, there is that one person I run across that makes me wish I wasn’t.  ‘Sometimes’ the feelings are not necessarily mutual.

OK so I contacted the folks about the hillside land available, and they were cool enough to recommend another bit of land a bit closer to Denver, with a larger property, open rolling terrain, and further away from neighbors. Came to find it was also on the other side of town where my brother in laws camp is as well. Based on his feedback it’s a pretty sweet area. The land has been assessed to $12K and selling for a sweet $6K for 6.65 Acres. Thats a little over 4 football fields with goal zones. Judging from their site, they already have a sale pending in this remote area. Judging from the maps and description access is super easy. Pictures show some great views (photos taken in October). I could attempt to finance this, but honestly to finance 6k for real estate seems a bit ridiculous, the interest alone could at least get a well in for water. I’ll be setting up a time to visit this and the other plot, but honestly this looks like a better deal. Land is easier to build on, wide open views of rolling terrain, 11 mile reservoir right nearby for fishing, nearest neighbors are on the other side of the ridge, antelope roam through the area. What a great spot to just get away.

More info here

Many years ago the family had access to two camps, one located in Mass, and the other in Maine. Unfortunately the way things panned out after both of my grandfathers passed we no longer had access to them anymore. For years I have always wished we had a getaway spot to go to, unfortunately land, especially in New England is a premium. After moving to the Midwest I learned that land is quite inexpensive, the hard part is that it’s just land, there are not many lakes or streams, you need to tap in a well, and build a place.

So after seeing a posting from my friend Huw linking to a site called Lands of America I figured I would check it out.

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The lease is finally up. Although I missed the opportunity to move into the condo my sister had on the market, some friends of mine opened up one of their rooms. Much nicer neighborhood, located up in Erie, CO. Saves me $179 in rent alone, shared utilities, and closer (much closer to work). Final day in the drippy drip cave of Westminster, March 31.

It’s true, Acid trips you out, makes you all funky, weird and off balance. It knocks out your immune system, encourages tumor growth( aka Cancer), it makes you sluggish and tired. You may be wondering what the heck I am talking about. I am referring to body pH.

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts things haven’t been so balanced lately. I spend more time focusing on others than myself. I have been sick more, and stressed more. In return I have been eating more poorly. Junk food, processed food, meats, not enough water, lots of sports drinks and soda, add to which, alcohol. All of these adjust your body to be more acidic, which in return brings you to all the things I mentioned above.

So here I am, feeling blaah and I decided to do a bit of research about food, and it all came together. So I quickly ran out to the store and picked up some veggies higher in alkaline. And after the first few well chomped up carrots I already noticed my stomach slightly more settled, the mucous in the back of my throat. I’ll admit it didn’t make an abrupt change, but enough of one that said I have not been eating well at all. Apparently you are suppose to have a 4:1 ratio of alkalines to acids, and I judging from my recent diet am probably close to 1:4, if not lower. No wonder I felt so bleck.

So for my first change, it’s time for a food change. A friend of mine just recently did a veggie only diet for 40 days to help detox. I think I am due, it is Lent after all.

If you came to find a positive post today, let me for warn you, although the destination positive, it will journey through some of the dark places I seem to have found myself during my everyday struggle forward.  This mental space happens to many of us at some point in our lives, whether we choose to share it, or keep it private is solely our discretion.  I am hoping that through sharing that is will give me a firm patchwork of where I am, how I got here, and how to get out; and at the same time maybe add some relief to many of you out there that you are not alone during those trying times, even when it feels like you are, someone has ventured there before you.

Today I found myself in a bit of a mental conundrum.  Much of this isn’t something that happened over night, but over many years.

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It’s funny on how much most of us think we NEED to have a mobile phone, to the point that we continue to spend exorbitant amounts, but for what?

I did a little analysis of my phone bill after receiving a nice little add-on cost from Sprint.  Most companies will typically award you a discount if you sign up for the auto payment.  Sprint decided to go the other route, they instead are going to penalize you by charging an extra $4 unless you sign up.  This would put me at roughly $55 a month after fees and what not.  Not to bad right?  It is when you consider that fact that when you look at your usage.

I am set up on the minimal plan, but with data (which I use far more).  Most of my minutes are not used, like 80-90% of them. Majority of that 20% has been solicitors, or bills, and a small amount of that is used for work or for talking with family or a friend.  I am finding this to be a complete waste of money, especially since my phone hardly if ever rings.

So just a heads up to everyone I will be switching to a home phone.  For the 1st month or so, most of the calls will go to my computer through SKYPE, as soon as I have the $169 I will be picking up a router based SKYPE phone.  Over the two years I would need to renew my contract this would save me $1115 over the two years. SKYPE has become highly reliable over the years, and is a cost effective choice for how much I ACTUALLY use the phone.  The cool thing is I can still check my messages with my iTouch with the Skype app and a wireless network.  Now if I can find a way to use my bluetooth with my iTouch and SKYPE app we would be all set.

I just finished viewing my annual all-nighter of watching Tom Hanks and Stephen Ambrose’ “Band of Brothers”.  I can’t help but think that as much as I have done, it does not compare to all these men have given of themselves: Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally.  I can’t possibly think of a thing that could ever show my appreciation for every thing that you have given and to show my thanks.  I could only dream of a moment where I could meet each of you to shake your hand, or anyone else that gave everything.

I look back at my own life, and think about the numerous things that I, and so many others have given up for others.  I can think of Mary L, who had the shit kicked out of her to protect a youth from 9 others who were trying to attack him; or maybe it’s Mike who dislocated his arm attempting to protect his group from someone who was violent.  But none of it seems like enough.

I spend much of my time now working with mentally ill teens, many of which are not successful, either due to them being so mentally ill, or have been so far damaged by their parents.  In some ways I relate to the guys at Bastogne.  Limited tools, limited resources, and basically stuck, knowing I just need to do what I need to do knowing that perseverance just may pay off, but at the same time watching my team being worn down.  I can’t help but think of the guys that spent that time in the woods with limited food, freezing cold, and watching their brothers die around them, thinking that this is nothing compared to what they went through.

At the same time I can identify with them, that empty feeling, wondering, what is it all for, just hoping that I have the strength to persevere.

I was heading out to the store last night to grab some food.  Along my way, I came across a bread truck sitting by the side of the road, and I couldn’t help but think of one of my fondest memories of my Dad and I.  He had worked the overnight shift for a bread company dropping off loaves of bread to the local supermarkets, and deli’s.  My father was always one to do whatever it took to make sure ends were to meet at home.  This would of course sometimes interfere with some of our personal time.  But Dad was always one to make sure one way or another family didn’t take a back seat.  My father one day asked me if I would like to join him during the overnights on the weekends to help deliver bread.  I can’t even remember how old I was, but I had jumped at the chance.  I can remember many a night riding in that big truck, getting orders ready, dropping them off in their bins or bringing them into the supermarket, and then falling asleep on the way home on the shelves of the truck.  To this day I can still remember the smell of the bread, standing by the open door of the truck, and just chilling with Dad.

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Although surrounded, I… alone…
…look at this blank space before me…
wondering…
wear did I divert from my happiness?

The question…?

…will that path…
entwine with mine once again.

I can only hope, for I am the only one with the power to change such things!
-Kitsu